Here are the ten steps that have helped reduce anxiety, fear, and overwhelm and help foster a life of happiness.
By Manpreet Johal Bernie
1. Give that anxious worrying voice in your head a name.
This creates separation between you and the voice. You are not your thoughts. This is a voice from your ego concerned with survival, and you have the choice to listen or choose a more empowering thought. However, this voice could be sensing real danger, so listen to see if it is a risk to you right now or a potential risk that could happen.
If real, then of course take action after some deep breaths. Otherwise, continue with the steps.
2. The minute you hear the voice, recognize it is a sign that your nervous system is dysregulated and moving into fight-or-flight mode.
Then choose to pause and take a few deep breaths. Coherent breathing can help calm down this response. This means take deep breaths in through your nose, inflating your belly for five seconds, and exhale while deflating your belly for five.
3. Create a list of tools you can use when your mind and body are about to go down the what-if train.
This might mean lying on the grass, dancing to your favorite song, EFT (emotional freedom technique) tapping, doing a yoga pose, or journaling to discharge fear. The minute you notice the voice, do something off the list
4. Repeat a mantra to calm your nervous system.
Find a statement that helps calm you down and repeat when the anxiety voice is back. My favorite is “If X happens, then I will deal with it.”
5. Get in present moment.
What can you hear? What can you see? What can you smell? What can you feel? I like to get outside when I do this. Feel my feet on the grass and take in the moment.
6. Place your hand on your heart and remind yourself you are safe.
It probably doesn’t feel that way. But feelings aren’t facts, and your thoughts can only hurt you if you let them.
7. Notice if you have moved into a freeze state.
When we first start to worry, our nervous systems go into fight-or-flight mode and adrenaline and stress hormones pump into our body. Then when it all feels too much, we freeze. We’re literally not able to do anything and go into despair.
You can find the tools that work for you to move from freeze and slowly back up to fight or flight and then up to your calm state. It is a ladder with freeze at the bottom and calm at the top. (It’s called the polyvagal ladder.)
You can split the list in point three into what helps you through freeze and what helps you out of fight/flight. A great way out of freezing is movement. Even five minutes of jumping jacks will get those stress hormones pumping. Then do something to calm you down, like deep breathing.
8. Choose to trash the thought.
Is this something that is a worry for another day? Imagine putting it in a trash bin. Or you can even write it down and put it in the bin physically.
9. Start to notice your mental state throughout the day.
Are you calm or triggered by worry? Are you frozen? Or is your heart pumping, so your stress response is turned on and you are in fight-or-flight mode? What tool can bring you back to calm or move you up the ladder?
10. Write what you are grateful for in this moment.
Noticing what’s going well right now can disarm fear.
Slowly, these steps can help you to regulate, discharge fear, and allow your nervous system to heal. You may not have been safe as a child, but you have the power to feel safe now.
You have the power to change your circumstances and remove triggers that are recreating that feeling of unsafety.
Your fear in your body could be very real and giving you information that maybe a particular relationship, job, or environment is not safe for you. Take notice and make baby steps to create a life that makes you feel safe, as this is the foundation for happiness. Give yourself what you longed for as a child.
Yes, hypervigilance may be something that got programmed into your nervous system young to help you survive, but you don’t have to let it hold you back now.
Changing, growing, and healing can feel scary and unsafe, but as you take those baby steps to create a healthier you, your confidence and self-esteem will grow. Your brain will get new evidence that you are safe, and those worrying thoughts will slowly disappear. A new worry may come, but then you can just repeat the process.
Dove Nework Kit 